Congratulations, you got your first date with a lucky special someone! These tips are so that you don’t blow it! Read these first date pitfalls and try not to make these same dating mistakes. Avoid the problems and have a date where you hopefully get asked for a second one!
Planning Something Boring
If your asking someone out or your date asks what you want to do, pick something that interests you. Sometimes we want to impress our dates with something cultured, new exciting, or intellectual. The problem is if we plan things that we aren’t interested in or find too extreme, it will come across negatively on the date. Pick a place that you would go to with a friend or by yourself. If you enjoy gardens, museums, and bookstores then take your date to these. If you are an extrovert who loves parties, lounges, bars, and clubs, then take your date to one. The worst thing we can do it to pick a date outside of our comfort zone and possibly act sour, bored, or nervous to our dates. When you are excited about the location and passionate, this will come across positively. If you are a coffee enthusiast and you tell your date all about the different countries and aromas of coffee, your date can see that passionate side of you. Also, once you pick a place you would enjoy on your own, you are more likely to have a good time even if the date turns out not to be a person for you.
Of course, keep in mind what your date wants to do as well and find a good middle ground. We want our dates to feel that they are going to do something within their interests. Try asking what types of activities they normally do with friends. A place they enjoy regularly will ensure they have fun.
The focus of the first date should be having fun and making good memories. This simple focus can help take the pressure off because we don’t have to be a perfect person to our dates. We just simply need to have fun and it will help to have the right setting.
Not Reading Physical Cues
One common mistakes is not reading the physical and verbal cues that your date gives you. Many will ask about if they should hold a dates hand, kiss them, hug them, or ask them out again. This takes time for reading your date and we should be willing to read their verbal and non verbal cues. For example, if our dates are putting their hands on our shoulders or briefly touching our hands, it may be a cue that they are comfortable with physical affection. We always want to start very light such as going for a hug first before going for a kiss. If our dates feel tense or pushes our hug away, then it could be a sign that our dates are not comfortable with our touch. Touching the shoulder lightly is fine but if our dates move away from us or tells us they don’t like affection at that moment, it may be a good idea to slow down. The last thing we want to do is ask for a kiss or ask our dates to come inside at the end of the night after missing several cues. We want to be kind to our partners and let them set the pace for physical affection. If all the signs point to yes, by all means go for it!
Hiding your True looks Before the Date
This is tough because if we are online dating we want to put our best foot (and Face!) forward. There are standard things that are normal such as wearing makeup, wearing a flattering dress, and posing in a way that makes our bodies slimmer or maybe giving us a curvier bum. However, there are other ways that are not fair to our dates. This would be using pictures that are over 10 years old, only showing face pictures without revealing your body, only having severely photoshopped or filtered pictures. I know snapchat filters make us look cute with big eyes and clear skin but only using those photos are deceiving. Lastly, I have even heard of one man showing up on a date to find a whole different woman because she used a picture of her cousin. This is obviously very deceiving. Once you meet in person, there is a big risk that your date will not like what they see. It’s not because you’re not beautiful but it’s because they were talking to an image that does not exist. Remember, also we don’t want to deceive our dates because it will start our relationship out on a lie.
The best advice is to be true to who you are so that you can trust your date to accept you. No one is perfect, not even the man of your dreams. Show your face, your full body, and even show off your hobbies if your pictures for your online profile. It will feel even sweeter when your date likes the real you online and also in person.
Talking too much About your Past Relationships
Yes, our past relationship sucked at one point or another because that is why we are not with our exes. However, don’t sour your new date with talking too much about the old one. On one terrible date, this man started talking to me about his ex and how much of a Bitch she was. Knowing that he would speak so negatively about her, including using the B-word, gave me an indication of where our relationship could go. He did not seem very respectful of women and it was a big turn off. We should speak of our exes without too much negative emotions or else it makes it look as if we are not quite over them or ready to date. If your date asks, let them simply know why it ended and what you learned from that experience. I’d suggest letting them know you are ready to move on and find someone who truly makes you happy. Letting them know you respect your ex and wish for their happiness is a good way to let your new date know that you will not remain bitter in the next relationship. If you find yourself in a place where you truly are not over your ex, just speak about it briefly and move on to the next subject. Don’t let our exes spoil our chances for new love and happiness.
Interrogating your Date
As women, we sometimes have long laundry lists of preferences for our dates. Many women say, I need him to be 6ft tall with 6 figure salary! Other women want someone soft, caring, and in touch with their emotions. Then, a different woman wants someone amazing in bed! Having standards and preferences are perfectly fine and normal and especially if they are reasonable. The danger is when we have our lists in mind and our dates feel like we are in an interrogation room. Asking questions after question about their height, salary, job, home, car, and sexual preferences can be quite uncomfortable. Let the conversation flow naturally, ask a couple of questions and then let them ask you a few questions. If the answers to the questions don’t match your preferences, don’t look angry and dismissive. Give the person a chance and see if you enjoy their company. The date is about having a good time and seeing if you are overall compatible. If we are not compatible by the end of the date, then we don’t have to see them again. If we are compatible, they may not want to see us again if they can tell we are asking questions in order to just check off boxes. So don’t make your date feel like a science experiment! Have respect and be courteous.
These were the five common first date mistakes. Hopefully, you can use these suggestions on your next date. Plan a fun date, read your dates cues, be yourself, don’t bash your exes, and don’t interrogate your dates. Do you have any first date mistakes you would like to share? Let us know in the comments! Happy dating!